I am not very religious, but like last year, I’ve decided to fast for Greek Lent again. There are a million rules in the real way of doing this, so I’ve made up my own to make my life easier. Basically, its Veganism (kinda)…
My Rules :
No Meat
No Dairy
No Eggs
All kinds of seafood is OK
Alcohol is OK (…but in moderation)
Start of Lent 2013 (Clean Monday) – Monday 18 March 2013
End of Lent 2013 – Sunday 4 May 2013
Burger Breakout @ The Old Crown definitely had to be the first review in the “London does #Burgers” series as it’s the one I visited most recently….and what a visit it was.
Date & Time: Wed 17th of October – 9 pm
Party size: 2
Reservation: NO – but we were misled to think that it was packed. Lot’s of heavy tweeting on the day made it sound like we wouldn’t be able to get through the door.
We arrived at the Old Crown afraid that we would go to sleep hungry, but much to our surprise we ended up finding a seat immediately upon arriving. Table for two, right at the door – a spot I usually detest as the cold gush of wind freezes my face every time the door opens – but we sat anyway. A very eager and polite waitress came over with menus and asked us if we would like drinks. We needed a minute, so she went away with the promise that I would call her over when we were ready to order.
As an initial reaction, I was not impressed by the menu. For some reason, I expected more. However, we were both drawn to the chocolate & quince BBQ sauce, so we kindly asked if it was possible to try some. Several minutes later, a small pot containing the chocolatey concoction arrived and we dipped in. Neither of us said a word at first, and then we simultaneously agreed that “The Bambi Bought it” (Cornish Venison patty, topped with beetroot pickle, Cornish Brie, Quince & Chocolate BBQ Sauce) was to be avoided at all costs, all because of that sauce.
We deliberated for a while, but finally decided on what to get : The O.C. Burger, The Whiskey Beast & Deep fried pickles in dill batter + Burger Slaw.
As we discussed our order with the waitress, she pointed out that The Whiskey Beast is served Medium Rare and that the chef does not allow changes of any sort on the burgers. I laughed at this, since my MO is to walk away whenever I come across these ridiculous rules, but I played along. She asked me if I was OK with spicy food as the burger contained “whiskey mustard”, and I said it was fine.
The Breakdown :
The Whiskey Beast – At first, this burger looked great….until I touched it. The first mistake that jumped out at me was the staleness of the bun – both on top and at the bottom. Slightly annoyed, I took the first bite and 12 seconds into chewing, the mustard started burning my nose. “Where’s the whiskey?” I thought. Moving on, it became apparent that it was impossible to figure out whether or not the beef was of good quality by eating it this way. So, I decided to dissect the burger and eat it with a knife and fork, instead of suffering with the taste of that horrible bun and the whiskey-less mustard.. Bun + mustard gone, I was left with a healthy piece of lettuce , two bacon rashers, and TOO MUCH BLUE CHEESE. I scraped off the excess, leaving an amount that complemented the beef….instead of replacing it.
Severely annoyed, I ate the first mouthful which ended up leaving me with a bitter aftertaste. I took a second…same thing. Extremely curious as to what was going on, I flipped the burger over only to discover that it was charcoal black at the bottom – like soot. Puzzled, I thought about the term “medium rare”, and I wondered if the strict chef-that-allows-no-changes-and-tells-you-how-to-eat-your-burger knew the definition as well as I did. Left with no other choice, I called the waitress over and showed her the mess in front of me. Shocked, she called over another member of staff, who was equally as polite and agreed that this was non-edible but explained that the kitchen staff had left and thus I was not able to get another burger. He apologized repeatedly and before he could take away the food, I paused to take some photos (see below).
With no food in front of me, the only thing available to eat were the sides….
Deep fried pickles in dill batter – flaccid and soggy.
Burger Slaw - ……no slaw here. Mayo soup that tasted like fridge instead.
Chips with horseradish smoked salt – The horseradish salt did not enhance the flavor at all. Each texture-less chip left an unwelcome & irritating aftertaste.
Conclusion: I usually give new restaurants second chances. But in this case, I won’t. It’s extremely disappointing when a meal doesn’t live up to your expectations ESPECIALLY when there has been such a massive build-up & hype from the purveyors of the establishment. I refuse to accept that this was a “one-off bad experience” because I believe that the sign of a good business is consistency – where no bad days are allowed.
As for the chef, if he is to dictate how and what you will eat, the least he can do is cook it properly. “Quirky” combinations only work if the execution is perfect… otherwise, the menu just becomes nonsense on a page.
Worth mentioning : The staff offered us free drinks and took my burger off the bill. The upstairs floors were empty and the rooms were a mess…not cool. Lastly, we were equally unimpressed by the O.C Burger, but my dinner companion was so hungry he chose to eat it rather than starve. After his final bite he said: ” I don’t think I’ll becoming back for seconds any time soon….”
Rating: 2/10 ( 1 point for the staff & 1 point for….effort)
Burger Breakout @ The Old Crown – 33 New Oxford St WC1A 1BH
Criticism is relevant and specific, just as “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. For me, a person gains or loses credibility after a three part examination of : how they eat, how they speak and their understanding of culture, all within a 10 minute face to face conversation. That’s more than enough info to give you a balanced idea of what that person is all about.
In the past month, I have done a lot of moving around…so I haven’t had time to write any new posts. I promise once everything makes senses again, Memoirs Of A Retina will be back on track. For the time being though, here are some good and bad experiences I’ve had in London recently…a basic argument of “triumph vs trash”.
What’s On (and should stay on) :
Clybourne Park @ Wyndham’s Theatre, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0DA – It’s been a while since I’ve laughed so hard in a play and was so impressed by such impeccable acting. Every single member of the cast was perfect. Simply put, this in-your-face comedy is nothing less than superb. The best chance you have to get tickets is to queue up before the theatre opens and hope you are one of 10 lucky people to score day tickets for that night’s performance. Each person can only get 2, so bring along a friend & some coffee for the wait.
Frankenstein @ The National Theatre, South Bank, London, SE1 9PX (Until Mon May 2…so hurry!) – Make sure you go on the night where Jonny Lee Miller is acting as the monster…otherwise, I’m not sure if the performance will be what you expect. Miller was by far the star of the show, who was awe-inspiring…but I’m still trying to figure out where they found the rest of the cast. PEOPLE, don’t get caught up in the hype, pay attention to the acting……(for more incite on the play see previous post)
The Woman in Black @ The Fortune Theater, Russell Street, Covent Garden, London, WC2B 5HH – If you’re into getting spooked, this is the show for you. The play asks the audience to use their imagination in order to get into the essence of what the actors are trying to convey, but its easy when you have such brilliant performers like Patrick Drury and Antony Eden.
Ghost Stories @ Duke of York’s Theatre, St Martin’s Lane, London, WC2N 4BG – A dark, damp, eerie and heart-pounding theatrical experience that should not be missed. I would recommend a drink or two before the show to get you into the mood….
The 39 Steps @ The Criterion Theatre, 2 Jermyn Street, London SW1Y 4XA – Definitely this show falls into the category of “Entertaining things to do on a night out”. Well worth the visit and the money spent on the tickets. In addition, there are a lot of British cultural references…so if you’re from here, this is right up your alley!
Roller Disco @ The Renaissance Rooms in Vauxhall, London – Its a bit random that I added this here but…..Wooooohoooooooooooooooo!!! Get your pink spandex out and party it up roller disco style. I never knew drinking & skating was so much fun when done together. Watch out for the expert skaters, don’t get in their way…and make sure you take EXTRA comfortable shoes for when the night is over.
What Should Be Off (forever…) :
The King and The Minotaur @ a weird and unknown location – …………..I still don’t know how to describe that night. A part of me wants to forget, and another part of me wants to deal with the tragedy of the whole situation. If the purpose of 21st Century “artists” is to disgust, annoy and make you feel pity for them, this is was a great success. For those who appreciate art exhibitions, galleries, and talented people….STAY AWAY from this place. Being weird for the sake of being weird is not artistic or special. Some people need an earth shattering dose of reality.
The Children’s Hour @ The Comedy Theater, Panton Street, London, SW1Y 4DN – You would think that an AMAZING cast would produce an AMAZING product. Turns out…it really doesn’t. I cannot fault Ellen Burstyn and Carol Kane because they are fabulous no matter what…but as for the rest………oh dear lord. As a result of this play I will never watch another Keira Knightley movie again and every time Elisabeth Moss has a scene in Mad Men, I promise to close my eyes. As for Bryony Hannah , she has officially canceled out her amazing performance in Every Good Boy Deserves a Favour, and is now on my Top 10 most hated actresses list. It truly is disappointing when the audience & certain critics don’t try to find quality in what they are watching, and instead are mesmerized by movie stars acting like crap on stage. I might just write a review for this play because there is SO much to say….In a nutshell: terrible acting, unbelievably bad American accents (that switched back and forth to British every now and then), stupid dialogue and mind-numbingly boring.
P.S: Head over to Mr. Kong for a bite to eat if you’re ever in lost in Chinatown….or if you’re hungry after a night out in the West End.
